Don’t Ask Me When Am I Having Kids. Here’s Why.

When did it become so acceptable to pry into people’s private lives?  I can’t tell you how many times I’m asked, “So…when are you having kids”.  Each time I get more and more uncomfortable and at this point I feel like it’s my duty to educate on why you shouldn’t ask couples when they are having kids.

They have been trying to no avail.

What a blow to someone’s self confidence.  What a heartbreaking thing to be brought up just because you’re curious.  I have not personally experienced this but I know women who have.  Every time a friend of theirs gets pregnant they are reminded of what their heart desires but their body can’t fulfill.  The last thing they need is you bringing that up.

They just suffered through a miscarriage.

Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage.  That could be anywhere between every 1 out of 10 or 1 of 4 women you meet.  Miscarriage is an awful reality of childbearing and can be extremely painful both physically and mentally for a woman.  And most women don’t broadcast it.  So you have no idea what’s happened behind closed doors.  So without even realizing it your question could easily turn from sheer curiosity to insensitive in a moments notice.

That’s a subject of contention in their marriage.

What if the wife wants children but the husband does not?  I know lots of couples who choose to stay together in spite of their differences about children so asking the question could potentially bring up a lot of buried emotions.

They don’t like/want kids.

You ask the question because you view children as a gift from God and they can’t stand them.  There are plenty of normal functioning adults who just don’t get along well with kids.  It is a special skill.  Asking them is a quick way to make them feel guilty about their decision when in reality a person who doesn’t like kids would make the worst parent ever.

They do want to have kids…someday.

Perhaps they simply want to be prepared, financially stable or at least more stable than they are now before they have kids.  They have discussed as a couple the timing that seems right for them and feel satisfied with it.  Your question could cause them to feel guilt that they want to wait and could potentially cause issues in their marriage over your simple question.

To put it simply, this question is none of your business.

I don’t say this to be harsh, I just say this to communicate that although we live in a world where the internet allows people a bird’s eye view into our lives, there are some topics that are off limits…or should be.  We need to be more respectful of people’s privacy and leave that question off the table.  Although the world looks at my husband and I and tells us that we have a duty to create people who look like us, we plan to adopt/mentor kids one day.  Didn’t Christ adopt us?

To redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. Galatians 4:5-7

There are plenty of children who already exist without loving parents and our hearts desire to is share of love of Christ with them and call them our own.  So technically I’m not “having kids” and no nothing’s wrong with me.  I will follow the Lord’s lead and when he says go I’ll go.  And that my friend is the end of that :)